Titles for
instrumentals I don't remember writing:
Furby's Last Friend
Lisa Marie's Deep Brown Crown Victoria (for which she traded an old
Mercury Montego before finding out it was really a used police car)
Tickling the Nickels
Buried Beneath Somebody Else’s Barn
Jerry Orbach’s Car (We’d have called it Jerry Orbach’s Eyebrows, but we
don’t know anything about his eyebrows.)
The Last Hippie Muses
". . . and that's when the Illuminati had him assassinated,"
the Last Hippie said solemnly, punctuating his statement with a long pull on
the fat doobie in his hand. "Stupid
bastards . . ."
We sat nervously, not sure whether to believe a word the scraggly old freak
was saying. It didn't matter. He kept right on saying it.
"The Secret Army was never really behind him anyway," he said,
blowing out the lungful of smoke.
"Half of them thought he was crazy, and all of 'em were just there
for the free donuts. But the Navy
. . ." Another drag. ". . . They were the real deal. They believed."
The Last Hippie shifted in his chair and examined the glowing end of his
joint. "Of course, the Colonel was
a hundred percent behind it. He even
paid for the training. I think what it
was, people called him the King for so long, they got to believing it."
He sighed, the smoke now thick in the air. "Anyway, after the funeral, the Army just
disappeared. You find one of them rats
now, they'll deny everything. The Navy
hung in there as long as they could, but with nobody making the loan payments
the banks eventually took the pontoon boats.
It didn't matter. Elvis never
told 'em where he buried the ammo anyway."
He got up and strode slowly to the window. Then he laughed. "Jimmy Carter still has no idea how
close the bullet was that he dodged."
